In a doctoral thesis, Meridith Bean from Auckland University find some disturbing trends in online dating.Men are just looking for more casual sex partners while women who are looking for the love of their life are left high and dry.The women,s quest for finding love online will surely end in heartbreak.This is because men who use online dating options to find a partner is just window shopping and waiting for the next beauty to appear.Women on the other hand are genuinely looking for love.
Online dating: the fun and the glum
SHABNAM DASTGHEIB
Men who turn to online dating treat it as an endless buffet where they are in control. But there are slim pickings for women, who are more likely to forgive flaws in their search for true love.
Findings from an Auckland University doctoral thesis by Meredith Bean on the internet dating scene paint a picture of disposable relationships and unsafe sex. Ms Bean said that, although her research was interpretive only, her findings could be applied to wider society.
She spoke to 29 people aged between 35 and 65.
Straight men saw online dating mainly as a way to gain sexual experiences rather than relationships.
"Men saw themselves as in control of the online dating process – they were always waiting for someone better to come around.
"If a woman was a few kilograms over their ideal weight, they would dismiss them because they felt they could find exactly what they were looking for."
The men tended to leave their profiles active even after they had found a monogamous relationship, and many said the women they met were "easy". Men admitted to having frequent unsafe sex with women they met online, though the women Ms Bean spoke to "danced around" the topic. In contrast, women were more likely to dismiss flaws in the men they met and to be looking for love rather than sex. Ms Bean said many women registered online were single mothers and those she spoke to said they tried to make decisions based on what was best for their children.
She also spoke to gay men, though she struggled to find gay women who would participate in her study.
There are more than 300,000 people registered with findsomeone.co.nz and more than 100,000 on NZDating.com.
One 38-year-old woman told The Dominion Post that, although she knew of people who had success in finding love online, she believed them to be the exception not the rule. "While I was genuine in my search for a `partner', many men on the site were dating and flirting with five or six other women at the same time ... It is not a good idea to use online dating if you have a jealous streak." Unknown to her, she had been communicating with one man's mother for the first few emails.
"While we were dating she continued to gather women she thought sounded good for him. Most people lie about something when they create their online persona. I rarely found someone who was 100 per cent honest and there were many toe-curl-ing dates with men who were weird."
Sex therapist Robyn Salisbury said internet dating could allow people to take greater risks.
"In terms of people using online dating to be selective ... that's one of its benefits. People use online as an initial contact to try and suss out a person."
SEX IN CYBERSPACE
Meredith Bean's thesis found:
Men are looking for casual sex and as many encounters as possible
Men are wary of commitment and keep profiles active even after they are in a relationship
Men easily dismissed women they saw as flawed, confident they could do better
Women tend to be single mothers looking for a serious relationship
Men often had unsafe sex, and said the women they found online were "easy".
- The Dominion Post
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