Relationship breakup? Do you have to start dating again?
Psychotherapist Offers Novel Advice for Those Jumping Back into the Dating Pool
New Dating Tips from Someone Who Really Knows
Things change, that's just the way it is. It's true for life, and it's true for dating. The problem is, some people get stuck in the past because they have either been alone for a long time without dating, or because they've been in a relationship for a long enough period for the rules to have changed while they were away. For these people, there is psychotherapist, columnist, radio host and a speaker, Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. He dispenses advice for those getting ready to jump back in the dating pool in a recent column in Psychology Today.
First, Dr. Goldsmith suggests that some of the old stuff is still applicable. Don't talk about your ex for example or go on about yourself too much. That bores people and makes them want to get away from you. Also don't be too loud or try to be the center of attention the whole time, or try to run the show. Both genders like to feel they have a say in what goes on with a date these days, so don't be pushy.
Something else that might seem obvious to some but not others, is to avoid drinking (and taking drugs) when out on a date. That really turns people off. But then so does calling or answering your cell phone (or texting). It's rude and makes a date feel less than important. Plus, it gives them time to notice some of your other less than stellar qualities.
Another big no-no is forgetting your wallet, which means cash or credit cards. Always bring along enough to pay your own way, even if your date has made it clear they will pay. It's a sign of being grown up, mature and level headed. Plus, if something goes wrong with the date, you'll be able to muddle through with dignity intact.
Something else he suggests is that people remember that the purpose of a date is for two people to find out if they are attracted to one another. Thus, don't meet up after a strenuous workout (even if you have time to shower) and don't order stuff with onions or garlic, etc. In other words, use some common sense and don't assume the date is all about you trying to decide if you want to see the other person again. Try to remember, they have feelings too and are sizing you up as well.
And finally, try to relax and enjoy your date. As always, be yourself, which these days means don't try to pretend you're up on stuff if you're not, such as television shows, electronic gadgets and politics. In fact, don't talk about politics on a date. It very seldom works out well.
First, Dr. Goldsmith suggests that some of the old stuff is still applicable. Don't talk about your ex for example or go on about yourself too much. That bores people and makes them want to get away from you. Also don't be too loud or try to be the center of attention the whole time, or try to run the show. Both genders like to feel they have a say in what goes on with a date these days, so don't be pushy.
Something else that might seem obvious to some but not others, is to avoid drinking (and taking drugs) when out on a date. That really turns people off. But then so does calling or answering your cell phone (or texting). It's rude and makes a date feel less than important. Plus, it gives them time to notice some of your other less than stellar qualities.
Another big no-no is forgetting your wallet, which means cash or credit cards. Always bring along enough to pay your own way, even if your date has made it clear they will pay. It's a sign of being grown up, mature and level headed. Plus, if something goes wrong with the date, you'll be able to muddle through with dignity intact.
Something else he suggests is that people remember that the purpose of a date is for two people to find out if they are attracted to one another. Thus, don't meet up after a strenuous workout (even if you have time to shower) and don't order stuff with onions or garlic, etc. In other words, use some common sense and don't assume the date is all about you trying to decide if you want to see the other person again. Try to remember, they have feelings too and are sizing you up as well.
And finally, try to relax and enjoy your date. As always, be yourself, which these days means don't try to pretend you're up on stuff if you're not, such as television shows, electronic gadgets and politics. In fact, don't talk about politics on a date. It very seldom works out well.
No comments:
Post a Comment