Friends With Benefits : The Dating Relationship That Has A Different Set Of Rules

 You might be in the same situation:You are dating only one person But you don't call it a relationship!This is the classic example of one or both partners not willing to commit.The unfortunate thing that happens is that even with those intentions of not committing ,rules change.Spending so much time with one person must and will lead to a deeper understanding of the other person.This in turn may lead to different expectations than the ones previously agreed on.AND this is when the fun and games begin.Especially for the one wanting commitment.Read about Friends With Benefits the dating relationship that has a different set of rules:

The Dating Relationship That Has A Different Set Of Rules.

"Dating: The not-really-a-relationship relationship

 By Erin Davis.
DoOver.com
http://www.freep.com/article/20120115/FEATURES01/201150359/The-not-really-a-relationship-relationship


A very close acquaintance of mine recently confided that he was participating in a "faux relationship."
If, like me, you'd like some clarification: He doesn't want to be in a relationship, his partner doesn't want to be in a relationship, yet both are in what most people would consider a relationship.
The two are dating exclusively, go on vacations together and attend important occasions with one another. Still, both cling to the notion that they are not, and do not want to be, in a relationship.
Welcome to the non-relationship relationship -- the faux relationship. Can a relationship that begins with a faux foundation blossom into something genuine? Or, like many a string of faux pearls, will it remain pretty to look at, but artificial to the core?
Does it really matter what we call a relationship (monogamous, friends with benefits, open relationships, etc.)? Perhaps it's more important "to understand that relationships are what the two people in them make them to be," says relationship expert Brenda Della Casa, author of "Cinderella Was a Liar" (McGraw-Hill, $21.95).
"It can be hard for more traditional types to accept that two people can be in a relationship that has a different set of rules, but if it works for the two people in it, that's what is most important," she says. Difficulty arises in the faux relationship just as with any other relationship, when the rules change.
Still, Della Casa explains that, "as long as they are open, honest and respectful of one another and themselves, these situations can work fine -- for a short period of time."
Honesty may be the best policy when it comes to relationships, but what happens when the policy is modified?
"Feelings change" moment to moment, says Beverly Hills celebrity author and psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish. "A faux relationship can begin on clear and mutually acceptable terms but, as time progresses, one partner may find his or her feelings deepening or vice versa."
Another fissure in the faux relationship formula occurs when an individual (knowingly or unknowingly) masks his or her true desire for a real relationship. Basically, an individual conveys to his partner that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but inwardly truly does. Perhaps he has been hurt before, and therefore, believes that a faux relationship will protect him from harm.
This sort of behavior can become problematic if the individual's actions are counterintuitive to his words; he becomes jealous if his partner dates others, he wants to cohabitate with his partner or demands her full time and attention.
Or, "if someone says 'I don't want to be in a committed relationship' to someone else," Della Casa says. "What they really may be saying is, 'I want to keep you as an option, but I don't want to make any efforts and if someone better comes along or I get bored, I want an easy out.' "
"I would say under these circumstances," Walfish says, "the individual should seek the help of a professional to better understand the conflict in which he is functioning."
For those like my friend, already in the midst of a non-relationship relationship, what might indicate that the faux relationship is flailing -- or failing? According to Walfish, one partner might begin to desire increased quantity and quality of contact and closeness, more so than the other partner. If there is a breakdown in communication and the needs of one or both partners are being ignored or dismissed, this may indicate that the relationship is heading south.
"These disappointments need to be talked about," Walfish says. "Usually in a faux relationship the partner whose commitment is minimal, or faux, pulls back. The other is left with a deep lonely feeling."

Della Casa brings up a valid point: "Placing a blanket statement over everyone in these relationships and claiming they are insecure, in denial or defected isn't fair."
She elaborates that all of us have our own issues, regardless of our preferred relationship model.
"That said, it's more likely that someone with these kinds of issues would opt for a relationship that was easier and offered benefits without any of the work," Della Casa says. "It's possible for deeper relationships to develop out of these kinds of situations, although perhaps unlikely given the beginning of the relationship doesn't quite mesh with the organic unfolding of a traditional relationship."
Regardless of the title or syntax you attach to your relationship, Walfish provides the reminder that "the lasting key in any real relationships is mutual commitment to working out conflicts and differences by hanging in there with good communication skills.
"This means tolerating hearing uncomfortable feelings from our partners without attacking, collapsing, or rushing to judgment or fast repair," and, Walfish adds, "talking is the glue that holds relationships together."

Although it may seem like the recipe for a disaster, It seems that honest communication between partners of this dating relationship can avert anger and feelings of rejection .It is true what they say: Honesty IS the best policy !